Entry # 11 - METACOGNITIVE ANALYSIS

How do I feel about my writing performance?

Going through a metacognitive analysis proves to be a very juicy exercise at the end of a course. Every time we reflect on our developement we are revising what we have actually learnt. Sincerity and objectivity are vital concepts at this point and when we find that the weak points have been lowered, we obtain certainty and self-confidence. After being requested to undergo such an analysis, it is of great importance to revise both improvements and weak points as well, as one's  actual perfomance will be defined after the analysis of both aspects.

           As far as my personal development in writing is concerned, I feel that a significant improvement has been evidenced in both the outcomes and my self-assessment. Firstly, having worked with the specific vocabulary has helped me to approximate to the requested genre. Secondly, I was able to recognize my mistakes more easily and consequently, I could take advantage of the editing step and make this process more efficient. Finally, I recovered the pleasure for writing, which had been lost a couple of years ago. All these events made me feel more confident with the subject itself and my subsequent written productions.

When considering the weak points, there are still some obstacles I would like to surpass with ease in the future. My weakest point this term has been confusing terms of British origin with others from American origin. This produced my not maintaining both local and global coherence of the text. Furthermore, another less serious difficulty was the permanent necessity to return to the theory whenever citing was requested. Finally, I had to make an enormous effort to maintain the unity of the texts as once I started writing about a topic, a lot of ideas started to flow from my mind and I found such a flow of ideas extremely difficult to control. Although weak points were present, the fact that I was able to recognize them on time help me to avoid further mistakes when writing.

All in all, I feel that the theory we were given to read has been very important for my personal development in the subject. Having known about the writing steps and having clarified the concepts of unity, coherence and cohesion made me fell more confident during the assignments. Although there is still a long way to go, significant improvements have been evidenced so far, and my being able to detect my weak points has also been really important. 

Working with synomym pairs:

Juicy: Syns. interesting, colourful, sensational, vivid, provocative, spicy.
Interesting:  that takes and keeps one's interest; giving entertainment.
Juicy=interesting.

Lower: Syns. to submerge, lessen, cut, reduce, moderte, diminish, decrease, slash, prune, minimize.
Lower: to make or become smaller in aount, degree, strength.
Reduce: to make less in size, amount, price, degree, etc
lower=reduce

Clarify: Syns.  explain, resolve, interpret, illuminate, explicate, clear the air about, shed light on.
Clarify: to make clearer and easier to understand, esp. by explaining and giving more details.
Interpret: to understand the likely meaning of a statement, action, etc.
clarify=interpret

Long: Syn.extended, elongated, extensive, lengthy./ Prolonged, slow, dragging, interminable
Long: measuring a large amount from one end to the other.
Extensive: large in amount, area or range; having an effect on or including many parts.
long/extensive

Note on the Graphic Organizer:
Based on the theory from the book "From Paragraph to Essay" I arranged the organizer so that the structural similarities between the paragraph and the essay can be easily recognized. It is important to make clear that my metacognitive analysis is not a essay but it was intended to maintain coherence throughout the four paragraphs (as essays do).

"...The paragraph is introduced by either a topic sentence or a topic introducer followed by a topic sentence. In the essay, the first paragraph provides introductory material and established the topic focus. Next, the sentences in the body of a paragraph develop the topic sentence. Similarly, the body of an essay consists ofa number of paragraphs that expand and support  the ideas presented in the introductory paragraph. Finally, a terminator ands a paragraph. The essay, too, has a device which brings its ideas to a logically and psychologically satisfying completion: the concluding paragraph."
                                                                                               (From Paragraph to Essay. CH 4. P 17)

Works cited:

          Imhoom, M and Judson, H. (1991) 7th Edition. From Paragraph to Essay. Developing Composition Writing. UK

Class # 9 Argumentative Paper - The Conflict in Syria

SFD 41
LANGUAGE AND WRITTEN EXPRESSION 4
Paper's Topic: Conflict in Syria
Paper's Heading:
Syria
A Prescription to Control the World
 Students:                      
Alonso, Analia; Fares, Andrea; Torrecillas Xoana
Teacher: Saubidet, Stella
                            

Syria             

The Prescription to Control the World

     Syria has been involved in a bloody war for too many years, and although international investigators have made interesting discoveries about the real cause of this war, it is known that  USA, England and Saudi Arabia as well, stopped these researches with the unique intention of maintaining the truth hidden  The question should be who are the real actors that are today in the scenery of this conflict. It is obvious that there are not two groups fighting against each other, but there exists a third force that is not only provoking it to maintain its real intentions in secret (the intention of oil acquisition), but also inducing the use of chemical weapons to produce a worldwide aversion. The desire is undoubtedly  war as  the only way by which the actual international empire can preserve its power notwithstanding the terrible damages it causes due to its interests in worldwide and to its permanent political custom to induce and control other nation’s wills in foreign and international matters.

     The so called Syrian uprising began with protests against President Bashar al-Assad's regime  in March 2011. However, it crossed an important point a year and a half later, when the international Red Cross formally declared it a civil war. Since then, the United Nations estimates more than 100,000 people have died in the disputes between President Bashar al-Assad's government and rebel forces who want to oust him. The amount of innocent victims is still climbing higher as fighting rages across the country are increasing significantly. Tens of thousand people are escaping from Syria, searching refugee camps in neighbouring countries such as Turkey and Greece. Initially,  the protesters just wanted democracy and more considerable freedom. Once the security forces opened fire on peaceful demonstrations, people demanded that the President, Bashar al-Assad, resignation. However, President Assad strongly refused to resign.

     No one can ignore that the profound of this conflict seem to be the struggle between the supporters of a leader who ruled the country in a dictatorial way, and other groups that pretend to obtain recognition of their rights as well as the end of racial discrimination in a  more unprejudiced and equitable society.  A profound analysis of the conflict will manifest the secret real cause and will also evidence USA’s  interests in oil as the only genesis. As a matter of fact,  this country does not want Syria to sell oil to other countries in anything but US dollars, and by contrast,  Syria wants to sell oil to Russia in rubles and to China in Chinese currency and to other countries in whatever they want to exchange for it. Doubtless, as US made many times before, it uses all the techniques, known and unknown, to maintain the war, as a manner to appear itself as the sole salvation in the moment of its intervention, as well as making a secret work to assure the continuation of the conflict. In the same way, there is enough evidence to assert that UK has been exchanging weapons for oil with Saudi Arabia a pronounced enemy to Syria since 1985.

    It is known that the possession of oil is nowadays the best way to maintain the primacy over the world, and USA is using all the possibilities to obtain it.  The use of chemical weapons to solve war conflicts exists from the very beginning of human history and there is enough evidence to assert that people have been utilizing and refining them to cause terrible damage. Although the Geneva Protocol prohibited the use of these mortal elements in warfare in 1924, the latest news made us know the use of this frightening poison in the Syrian conflict. This horrendous behavior has originated an intricate of accusations between USA, UK, France and Saudi Arabia against Syria´s governor Bashar al-Assad and Russia. USA promoted the investigation, making a public campaign against Assad as well as being the most resolute supporter of intervention as the only way to preserve civilian lives. By contrast,  recent researches have demonstrated that it is not clear not only who used the chemical weapons, but also who was inducing this action in secret.

      Syrian Foreign  Ministry Makdissi said that Syria would use chemical weapons only in case of foreign aggression but never against civilians and asked the United Nations to launch an investigation. Russia’s foreign minister supported this position assuring that revels do not have the possibility to use these weapons without the complicity of a power government interested in the end of  Assad´s regime. In the same way, UN's investigation team said that it is unclear what strategic benefit can be obtained by the regime by using these weapons, in the light of the risk it represents as an aversion to the entire world.  It is expected that the results and statements by the Swedish scientist and weapons expert Ake Sellstrom will be objective and balanced, which would then be a difference to the usual double-standards by the officials of the United Nations (UN) in terms of Syria. On the other hand, although Obama is the most powerful promoter of intervention ( as he had made before in Irak), US Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel believes that the poison gas was used on a small scale and as if it was not enough, according to Moscow´s ambassador to the United Nations, chemical weapons were clearly used  most likely by Syrian rebels with the support of a segment interested in the intervention.

    In spite of the fact that the conclusions of the investigations are still not clear, Obama arranged and sent three American ships in the Mediterranean Ocean, expecting the order to bomb Syria for three days under the mask of an advertence, without taking into account the fact that it can provoke a terrible damage in the civilians that they are supposed to be defending. “What is the plan? Where are we going in Syria? And what do you want to accomplish?” House Intelligence Committee Chairman Mike Rogers asked Sunday.The constant propaganda against Syria´s government made by USA, convinced other countries to follow its ambitious plans of domination, such as Arabia (a Syrian´s enemy) which has been exchanging oil by weapons from France.

     In conclusion, the conflict in Syria seems to be provoked by hidden and secret interests by the part of the USA among other powerful countries. At present, such tendency is being evidenced by the ready-to- bomb forces placed in the Mediterranean Ocean. What is the plan? Not only seems the plan to be ignoring Syrians’ freedom but also seems to be causing a division among the deeply affected Syrians who escape in order to feel themselves safe. Whether Syria used chemical weapons or not may be a worldwide question whose answer people may desire to know, but the obvious interest by the part of the powerful nations in undoubtedly telling us the whatever the conflict may be, there exists a clear interest to restrict Syria’ s business and economy thus creating an atmosphere of terror and uncertainty which makes this war even more hostile and cruel.

Works Cited:

           Rogers, M. (2012) Lawmakers urge caution on US intervention in Syria. Fox. com[ONLINE]Available at:http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/06/17/lawmakers-say-getting-involved-in-syria-shouldnt-be-us-option/#ixzz2dysZRSMf  [Last Accessed 30 August 2013].

          Telenoche ( September, 2nd) [tv programm], chanel 13

          WiseGEEK, clear answers for common questions. "What are Chemical Weapons?"[ONLINE] Available at: http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-chemical-weapons.htm [Last Accessed 30 August 2013].

         Znews, "Chemical weapons in Syria". [ONLINE] Available at:zeenews.india.com/tags/chemical_weapons_in_Syria.html[Last Accessed 30 August 2013].

       Znews, "Hagelspeaks with Israeli Defence Minister on Iran, Syria and Egypt". [ONLINE] Available at:zeenews.india.com/news/world/hagel-speaks-with-israeli-defence-minister-on.iran-syria-amd-egypt 870772.html[Last Accessed 30 August 2013].

        Znews, "Hundreds gassed to death in Syria, world paralysed". [ONLINE] Available at:zeenews.india.com/news/world/hundreds-gassed-to-death-in-syria-world-paralysed-870850.html[Last Accessed 26August 2013].

Lets RECAP: ESSAY WRITING

Entry # 10: RESEARCH PAPER: "Art: A Potential Bridge To Inclusion".

Graphic organizer:

Andrea Fares

Professor Saubidet

Language and Written Expression 4

July 10th

Art: A Potential Bridge to Inclusion

Firm Steps towards Inclusion through Art.

The conjecture that certain areas of expression, such as art, should be inclusive, has obtained international momentum these past years. During the last decade, we have experienced the so called “globalization of inclusion” and such inclusion, now seen as a priority matter, has placed itself in the agenda of most politicians and educators as a symbol of departure from normative thinking. As a matter of fact, inclusion was intended to produce the political change that integration could not. Promoting full diversity in certain areas of art has proved to be essential for the successful inclusion of the excluded population. Social inclusion, in particular, is being seen as a key to the vitality and dynamism of certain art-related institutions such as theatres, cinemas, TV channels and the film industry itself, as they promote authentic dialogue about race, culture and disability that embraces the complexity of underlying social and historical issues. However, as evidenced by the everyday experience, those areas of art aimed to promote inclusion have a negative impact and reach the unexpected target of segregation, which was the departure point. Further integration policies should be considered and put into practice in Argentina to make both art and integration arrive successfully to the intended aim.

There exist certain measures already taken internationally that could be considered in order to increase physical and programmatic accessibility. A good example of this is the case of the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts In the USA (LCPA), where a new position has been created to control and be responsible for the Accessibility and Visitor Services. This position is responsible for overseeing physical and programmatic accessibility for people with disabilities, including visitors, artists and employees at the various venues and offices. Deeply knowledgeable about issued related to disabilities, the successful candidate will coordinate and collaborate with colleagues across departments to create an inclusive environment for all visitors. With experience in not only physical accessibility but also a strong familiarity with programmatic access in cultural spaces, the successful candidate will seamlessly integrate access precepts into programs and services LCPA offers.  Furthermore, said candidate will enhance community outreach and marketing efforts by partnering with individuals as well as social service, cultural, and other relevant organizations to raise awareness about and seek input on LCPA’s existing and future accessibility programs.  This includes overseeing internal and external advisory councils. As a key contributor to the larger Visitor Services (VS) team, the individual will have a superior guest care ethic and be able to seamlessly a commitment to seeing people as individuals and not as stereotypes integrate accessibility efforts into the larger guest care initiatives.  Adaptability, determination and follow-through are important characteristics of the successful applicant as well as a demonstrated ability to successfully lead cross-team collaborations.

Another important key issue is related to the things actors should know about race on stage. It is almost impossible not to “see race” in the performing arts. The centrality of vision in theatre structures almost every aspect of the production process. For example, headshots exist to enable a good, long look at a person before any hiring commitments are made. Here are three things that everyone should know about theatre and race. In the firs place, Theatre has engaged the topic of race relations since the very beginning. Throughout history, concerns and anxieties about race and cultural difference have been expressed on the stage. In ancient Athens, audiences sat in theatres and delighted in stories about the unchecked passions and seeming inferiority of foreigners. Look at that Cretan woman trying to seduce her half-Amazonian stepson! Shakespeare capitalized on anxieties stemming from the increased presence of Moors in England by imagining “black” characters—Aaron and Othello—who sleep with white women. Fifty years ago, Lorraine Hansberry famously staged the emotional toll that racism can have on a family in “A Raisin in the Sun.” David Henry Hwang, for much of his playwriting career, has used the theatre to challenge racial assumptions and stereotypes. More recently, race looms large in the Pulitzer Prize-winning writings of Bruce Norris (“Clybourne Park”) and Ayad Akhtar (“Disgraced”). In the second place, It’s okay to “see” race on stage. When we encounter someone or something for the very first time, we pay close, close attention to just about everything. We take in all of the details. It’s natural. However, as that person or thing becomes more familiar to us, we begin to overlook and even forget many of the attributes that we could not help but notice in our initial encounter. Similarly, spectators pay close, close attention to the opening moments of a play with the aim of making sense of this new world being unveiled to them. To see that Tony Award-winning actors Cicely Tyson and Audra McDonald are African American is simply a matter of being observant. As the play progresses, spectators become less conscious of an individual actor’s race as the performer melds into her role and the audience becomes absorbed into the world of the play. A person can “see” and, later, “not see” race within a single production. Finally, there exists and implicit rule that is Absenting characters of color, absents artists of color. Aspiring playwrights and screenwriters are generally taught not to specify the race of their characters—unless a character’s race is consequential to the dramatic narrative. The aim is to create the greatest flexibility in casting and to increase the odds of the work being produced. Since it is impossible to imagine a person as being race-less, the default assumption is that most unspecified characters are white. Although producers, directors, and casting agents have discretion in the person who they hire to work on a production, they frequently begin with a script that absents people of color. Actors of color lament the  limited number of roles created for them. If not for the writings of Luis Alfaro, David Henry Hwang, Regina Taylor, and August Wilson among others, many artists—including directors and designers of color—would not be able to make a living in the theatre. These are individuals whose employment options are determined, in part, by their race and how they are seen within the theatre industry.

Empirical evidence has shown that some theatre companies and some film directors have included disabled people in their projects. Inspired by the 1920 Lon Chaney silent film of the same name, "The Penalty" is the story of a legless criminal who has sworn revenge on the doctor who wrongfully amputated his legs as a child. The late playwright, John Belluso once said, ‘that to be disabled, was to always be on stage.’ As a person with a disability (He was born with spastic cerebral palsy), he is constantly dealing with people’s gazes in his every day life and managing that negotiation between seeing and being seen. For him, the awareness of how that could translate to acting was in 7th grade when for the first assignment in his Speech & Drama class, he chose to perform Mark Antony’s, “Friends, Romans, Countrymen…” speech from Julius Caesar. ‘Suddenly, people were looking at me differently and I realized that through performance I could to some extent control my audience. That was how I entered this world but my reasons for staying have since evolved´, he added. (qtd. In Belluso).

Current projects to encourage inclusion through art include programs that support the ever-expanding mosaic of diversity and inclusion in theatre, film, television, and related media. However, there are still a lot of measures to consider and subsequently apply. Among the projects already taken by the United States of America, there are five that clearly evidenced inclusion and which could be taken into account in order to design local measures in our country. One of the projects was called  TCM “The Projected Image: A History of Disability in Film”. Presented in collaboration with Inclusion in the Arts, Turner Classic Movies (TCM) dedicated the month  of October 2012 to exploring the ways people with disabilities have been portrayed in film. On behalf of Inclusion in the Arts, Lawrence Carter-Long joined TCM host Ben Mankiewicz for The Projected Image: A History of Disability in Film. The special month-long exploration aired Tuesdays in October 2011. Another project was the Advocacy, Consulting & Information Program. Inclusion in the Arts maintains relationships with artists, producers, directors, casting directors, agents and unions in theatre, film and television, and related media.  They promote and facilitate cultural diversity at all levels of production.  Inclusion in the Arts also serves as a resource for funding agencies, educational institutions, the media and the general public seeking information and background on these issues. Services range from acting as a sounding board and expert consultant for companies dealing with these issues, assisting writers with ideas, providing specific language for casting notices and/or program notes, to facilitating and/or participating in project-related discussions and/or events. The Disability/Accessibility Initiative, a subset of the Advocacy/Consulting and Information Program, directly addresses the fact that nearly 20% of Americans (56 million people) have a disability of some kind, yet this largest minority is seriously underrepresented in American arts and entertainment. The third proposed project was the  Audience Expansion Initiative. Thanks to the partnership between Inclusion in the Arts and G-PASS, 1.1 million New Yorkers and 56 million Americans with disabilities will have the opportunity to enjoy more Broadway shows than ever before. The Broadway Accessibility/Audience Expansion Initiative sets a new standard for collaboration between producers and accessibility specialists at all stages of production. The fourth project was called DEAL: Disability in Entertainment and Arts Link. It is a project of Inclusion in the Arts dedicated to the full inclusion of people with disabilities—physical, developmental, intellectual, and sensory—in all sectors of American arts and entertainment.  DEAL was expressly created to serve writers, directors, producers, technicians, network and studio executives, casting directors, and disabled artists at every stage of the creative process—from development of the initial idea through production, marketing, and public presentation. Another project was “A Conversation About Disability”. On April 18, 2006, a group of writers, actors, directors, and filmmakers gathered at HBO headquarters in New York City to discuss how to write about disability today.  The conversation focused on how to create authentic portrayals of disability.  The panel discussed what distinguishes authentic portrayals from clichéd, symbolic, or token representations of disability.  Panelists characterized disability as a minority “whose stories had not been told,” and emphasized the natural connections between disability and other social issues (poverty, race, sexuality, family).  Finally,  the National Diversity Forum was created. Inclusion in the Arts’ National Diversity Forum (NDF) is comprised of Roundtables, Resource Events, and Opinion Pieces.  The purposes of the Roundtables and Resource Events are to a) deepen dialogue and expand understanding of diversity through candid and constructive discussion; b) spark change toward more inclusive standards and practices; and c) build an expanding group of leaders in the field committed to resolving the issues related to racism and exclusion.

It can be then summarized that art is a key element for obtaining inclusion in our increasingly exclusive society. Citizens, actors, directors, producers and artists in general should be aware of this concern and involve into a commitment to seeing people as individuals and not as stereotypes. In the light of such a concern, it  has been evidenced that avoiding employment options being determined by race has proved to be one of the short-term measures to be taken. As in the case of castings and performances, greater flexibility should be applied and race should not be specified when selecting an actor or creating a role. On the other hand, the roles of actors and their subsequent compromise are essential to this goal. They should express their concerns and anxieties about race and cultural difference as much as they can, both through their acting and through their actions every day. Finally, local governments and the National Government itself need to set the path for inclusion, taking care of every possible obstacles regarding accessibility to public places such as theatres, cinemas and venues and should provide their employees with the necessary training courses as far as guest care ethic and accessibility services are concerned.

Works Cited

Belluso, Juan. "3 Things Actors should know about race on Stage". Alliance for Inclusion in the Arts. http://inclusioninthearts.org/still-more-of-our-parts-opens-today/ retrieved June 13^th, 2013.

Graham, Linda. J & Jahnukahen, Markku (2011)  "Wherefore art thou, inclusion? Analysing the development of inclusive education. "Finland and Alberta. Jornal of education Polcy, 26 (2), pp. 263-288..

Gunn, Samuel. "The Public Culture of the Victorian Middle Class.Y Manchester. Manchester University Press. (2000) Print

Gordon, Sindy. "Still more of  our Parts opens today! "  http://inclusioninthearts.org/still-more-of-our-parts-opens-today/ retrieved June 13^th, 2013.

McRae. Daniel. "The Integration/Inclusion Feasibility". NSW Department of Schools Education (1006) Print.

Northway, Robert. "Integration and Inclusion: Illusion or Progress in Services for Disable People?" Social Policy and Administration (1997). 31 (2), 57, 172

Young, Harvey. "3 Things Actors should know about race on Stage". Alliance for Inclusion in the Arts. http://inclusioninthearts.org/still-more-of-our-parts-opens-today/ retrieved June 13^th, 2013.

Entry # 9 - "Another conclusion for the essay."

Not only should both the State and local legislators commence to consider the existing problem deriving from the use of the cell phone in moving vehicles seriously, but also reflect on the necessity to harden those laws restricting the use of such phones when driving. "The problem should be a public concern and politicians should act accordingly,'' says Xoana Torrecillas of the National Conference of State Legislatures. Florencia Tovagliari from the A.C.A agrees: "This is the time for the changes to occur," she expresses, to consider and pass laws. It is now the momentum in which individual awareness should be fostered by the part of the drivers and as a result, the number of fatal accidents will be considerably reduced in the light of both the application of the necessary rules and the individuals' reflection on this serious regard.

Works Cited

Torrecillas, Xoana. ¨Cell phones and conscious driving: 2012.¨ National Conference of State Legislatures. Natl. Conf. of State Legislatures, March 2012. Web. June 23, 2012.

Tovagliari, Florencia. ¨Awareness makes the difference¨ Drivers Today. Automovil Club Argentino. 25 Sept, 2011: Print.

Entry # 8 - Peer Work - IMMIGRATION (FARES-ALVARENGA)

ISFD N 41
Language and Written Expression IV
Name of Student: Maria Andrea Fares
Mate's Name: Rodrigo Alvarenga

Paragraph One:

"Immigration: Borders Beyond Control"

International Migration has recently become one of the main concerns that now seize the attention of politicians and intellectuals across the world, as it is becoming increasingly difficult to control in the light of the economic crisis. In the case of most Western countries, most immigrants come from very poor countries such as Paraguay, Bolivia, and Cuba. The United States of America is one of the Western countries that exhibited a greater concern on this regard and consequently, applied extremely hard migration laws to prevent this kind of immigration, as they manifested to be experiencing serious illegal labour claims due to the employment of illegal immigrants. In the case of the Eastern countries, most immigrants arrive from emerging countries, such as  Mexico, Brazil, and Argentina. On its part, Israel is the Eastern country that offered the biggest amount of opportunities for immigrants, thus fostering the entry of potential qualified skilled workers. On the contrary case, Australia received severe condemnation worldwide last summer when a special envoy of the UN commissioner for human rights exposed the deplorable conditions in detention camps that held asylum seekers who had landed in Australia. As local economies are becoming victims of the worldwide crisis, immigration is now being seen as a threat for the governments of  many countries across the world.


Paragraph TWO:

"Immigration: Borders Beyond Control"

International Migration has recently become one of the main concerns that now seize the attention of politicians and intellectuals across the world, as it is becoming increasingly difficult to control in the light of the economic crisis. In the case of most Western countries, most immigrants come from very poor countries such as Paraguay, Bolivia, and Cuba. The United States of America is one of the Western countries that exhibited a greater concern on this regard and consequently, applied extremely hard migration laws to prevent this kind of immigration. At the same time,  they manifested to be experiencing serious illegal labour claims due to the employment of illegal immigrants. In the case of the Eastern countries, most immigrants arrive from emerging countries, such as  Mexico, Brazil, and Argentina. On its part, Israel is the Eastern country that offered the biggest magnitude of opportunities for immigrants, thus stimulating the arrival of potential experienced workers. On the contrary case, Australia received severe condemnation worldwide last summer when a special envoy of the UN commissioner for human rights exposed the deplorable conditions in detention camps that held asylum seekers who had landed in Australia. As local economies are becoming victims of the worldwide crisis, immigration is now being seen as a threat for the governments of  many countries across the world.

Entry # 7 - Topic Sentence - Body - Conclusion (Shared Assignment)

Assignment shared with Rodrigo Alvarenga (ISFD 41)

PARAGRAPH ONE

MY FIRST VERSION:

Teenagers in Argentina are finding it increasingly difficult to experience happiness due to the excess of consumption. Most teenagers tend to release their tension by consuming goods they do not really need. The leading consuming device these days is the mobile phone, which seems to be a truly necessary tool to keep teenagers connected to the outside world. In the second place, they adore buying electronic devices such as Mp3, Mp4, game consoles and digital cameras to take pictures to be posted on the net immediately. In the third place, they enjoy buying digital movies even though there is a trend nowadays to download such movies from the net. Finally, they sometimes like buying best sellers, but they buy them just for fashion as they first watch the movies based on such books in the cinema. As a conclusion, it has been proved that such consumption has been replacing the need for teenagers to enjoy an outdoor life and feel relaxed themselves. Consumption does not help for adolescents´ happiness and leads to their isolation.

PARAGRAPH TWO

MY MATE´S PARAGRAPH (Rodrigo Alvarenga)

Nowadays, teenagers have got a need of posting in the net whatever they do to become more popular.
Most teenagers tend to release their tension by consuming goods they do not really need. The leading consuming device these days is the mobile phone, which seems to be a truly necessary tool to keep teenagers connected to the outside world. In the second place, they adore buying electronic devices such as Mp3, Mp4, game consoles and digital cameras to take pictures to be posted on the net immediately. In the third place, they enjoy buying digital movies even though there is a trend nowadays to download such movies from the net. Finally, they sometimes like buying best sellers, but they buy them just for fashion as they first watch the movies based on such books in the cinema.
This constant posting that the teenagers do, it is the way they have to belong to the virtual world.


Metacognitive analysis:


I believe that my mate´s topic sentence does not include all the ideas developed in the body of my first paragraph. The supporting ideas within it are mainly focused on consumption and not on posting in the net.

Rodrigo´s conclusion is also based on the virtual world and not on the buying of unnecessary things such as an M3 or MP4.

As a matter of fact, I do believe that both versions differ dramatically as far as the topic or subject is concerned. My version was focused on consumption and Rodrigo´s on the virtual world.

I repeated some words for the sake of emphasis and also used pronouns to make reference to items previously mentioned and reach cohesion.